Thanks for the article, this is helpful. My child has enormous explosive tantrums which can be hard to predict and I am sometimes guilty of doing whatever I can to make him stop screaming (ie not holding boundaries) or conversely, finding myself in a power struggle. Please can you talk more about the accommodations we can make eg not correcting small behaviours all the time? What examples could you give for this pls? Thanks so much.
Often with highly reactive kids we fall into a pattern of constant correction. Every time they whine or use a "rude" tone. Every time they overreact to a small problem. This keeps a constant thread of stress and heightened agitation flowing for you and your child at all times, which then makes explosions more likely. If you have an example of a time when you got into a power struggle or dropped a boundary and aren't sure how you could have handled it otherwise, send it back and I'll walk through some ideas!
Very Informative email. Love the line "De-escalate, rather than co-escalate" I think I have been co-escalating so far, even though my brain knows that I should stop it. Why don't I have self control? I think I need to do more self-regulation practices. Because, now when my child shouts, I have an urge to shout back, not calm down! I control my impulse to shout twice or thrice, and then end up bursting out in 5 minutes.
This is such a relatable experience. So many parents feel this exact way! I imagine you're trying to "white-knuckle" staying calm in these moments, which is why you can last a few minutes until you explode. Sometimes our rage comes from a place of helplessness; we aren't sure how else to respond to our child's behavior and nothing we do seems to change anything so we explode. If that's the case for you, you probably need help with some tools for responding to their upset. Perhaps some co-regulation ideas or boundary ideas. Other times, we just hit a sensory overload from the intense emotions and go off. Even if you know how to handle the moment, it can still trigger you. If that's the case for you, you probably need to learn how to manage your own needs by walking away or putting in noise-cancelling headphones, etc. Hope this gives a little more insight!
Thanks for the article, this is helpful. My child has enormous explosive tantrums which can be hard to predict and I am sometimes guilty of doing whatever I can to make him stop screaming (ie not holding boundaries) or conversely, finding myself in a power struggle. Please can you talk more about the accommodations we can make eg not correcting small behaviours all the time? What examples could you give for this pls? Thanks so much.
Often with highly reactive kids we fall into a pattern of constant correction. Every time they whine or use a "rude" tone. Every time they overreact to a small problem. This keeps a constant thread of stress and heightened agitation flowing for you and your child at all times, which then makes explosions more likely. If you have an example of a time when you got into a power struggle or dropped a boundary and aren't sure how you could have handled it otherwise, send it back and I'll walk through some ideas!
Very Informative email. Love the line "De-escalate, rather than co-escalate" I think I have been co-escalating so far, even though my brain knows that I should stop it. Why don't I have self control? I think I need to do more self-regulation practices. Because, now when my child shouts, I have an urge to shout back, not calm down! I control my impulse to shout twice or thrice, and then end up bursting out in 5 minutes.
This is such a relatable experience. So many parents feel this exact way! I imagine you're trying to "white-knuckle" staying calm in these moments, which is why you can last a few minutes until you explode. Sometimes our rage comes from a place of helplessness; we aren't sure how else to respond to our child's behavior and nothing we do seems to change anything so we explode. If that's the case for you, you probably need help with some tools for responding to their upset. Perhaps some co-regulation ideas or boundary ideas. Other times, we just hit a sensory overload from the intense emotions and go off. Even if you know how to handle the moment, it can still trigger you. If that's the case for you, you probably need to learn how to manage your own needs by walking away or putting in noise-cancelling headphones, etc. Hope this gives a little more insight!